There was a piece today on Good Morning America about the mommy wars, this particular story was about moms who are feeling stressed out or intimidated by the pictures and projects that other mommies post online. Either on Pinterest or blogs of people going all out with, in this case super cakes, for their kids birthdays. Moms who feel like they dont measure up because they can't bake that cake or whatever example you want to use. Some are intimidated by others who garden or others whose kids appear to excel at everything they try. While Pinterest and blogs can be a great source of inspiration, they can also stress people out thinking they dont measure up.
There are few things that bother me more than the concept of "Mommy Wars". Here's the thing, there is no war! There are people who will try to tell you that you aren't doing it right or you aren't good enough but you do NOT have to join the battle! That's the best thing about it, you can choose not to compete! Mega cakes not your thing? Don't worry about, that's what bakers are for! Don't know how to do something? If you want to do it, learn! There are videos on YouTube on just about every subject or even better, find a friend who IS good at it and ask her to show you! If it turns out you're not good at that either, find what you are good at and what you enjoy and do that, love that, let that become your super mommy skill. The most important thing to remember is that you are EXACTLY what your children need! If you are stressed out about competing with other self proclaimed super moms you are not only hurting yourself, you are cheating your kids from the wonderful mother you already are!
The other thing about is that if more moms would take this stand, do you realize how liberating it would be? You show up with a great gift in a beautifully wrapped package and instead of letting other people think you managed to squeeze that in between scouts, baseball, soccer, Bible study and mommy and me yoga, you bring a handful of business cards and pass them out to the rest of the moms and say "I didn't do this, but aren't they amazing? Try this person next time!"
Then maybe, just maybe someone would say "you know that mom over there? She is really awesome at wrapping gifts, maybe I can pay her, or trade with her, to wrap mine next time!" I use this example because wrapping presents is NOT my gift! I would totally hire someone to wrap presents for me! The point is, as women and moms we have to let go of this notion that we have to be able to do all of these things perfectly to be a great mom, that simply is NOT true! My Sister in Law over at The Pink Patisserie http://pinkpatisserie.blogspot.com/ makes amazing cakes and other beautiful creations. I love reading her blog and seeing the amazing things she creates. I am not gifted in this area either though so guess what? When I need a cake next time, she'll be getting a phone call. I'm ok with that. I need to be ok with that because I am totally awesome at other things. So I will gladly pass out her cards, or her website and not claim to have made any of it and we should ALL be ok with doing that! We should all be ok with showing up somewhere with something that you didnt create and be totally proud of that fact! Youre HUMAN, congratulations!
How amazing would that be?? How utterly freeing as well! Not only are you telling others you aren't perfect, you're telling them its ok for them not to be perfect too! Sure it's a risk, but for the brave soul to start it, think of the rewards! No more staying up all hours of the night trying to juggle 20 different things in order to pretend to be someone you're not, no more trying to one-up the rest of the mommies in your group, you're just you, the one God made you to be, the one your kids already love! Be that mom! You are great just the way you are!
So take a deep breath mommas, as my friend Sheila just told me, we need to be kind to each other and maybe more importantly, be kind to ourselves. You can do this! I believe in you.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Sunday, September 9, 2012
A little bit of Thanksgiving
We are dual citizens in our house, Half American/Half Canadian. We live in the States now and I try to honour as many of the Canadian traditions as I can, this includes having TWO Thanksgivings. Yes its a lot of work but as we say around here "You can never be too Thankful" Come Christmas time, I am ready for ham or prime rib as I have kind of had my fill of turkey :)
I just dont think it should end there though, you know? We have been going through a lot lately and I just realized that we haven't really taken the time to be thankful for the good stuff in our lives. There is SO much good stuff, we are truly blessed beyond words. So, in addition to the two I will already be doing this year, today is sort of a "remember to the Thankful, Thanksgiving". And what better way than to go all out with a turkey dinner?
Here is a little look at what Thanksgiving day looks like in our house.
Turkey of course... stuffed with apples, onions, and bacon. Yes Bacon. This is a tip I learned from my mother in law. Instead of putting butter on your turkey, use bacon grease, it tastes SO much better! So here what goes in the turkey
I didn't have any fresh onions and really didn't have the energy to go to the store so dried onion to the rescue. I could be all crunchy and tell you I dried the onions from own garden but for $3. at Costco, why bother? A little trick to stuffing your turkey, put it in a large bowl and then just slide everything in. I don't know why no one ever told me that, its the easiest way to do it. Rub the bacon grease over the outside and whatever spices you want. I dont really add any more salt because the bacon takes care of that. This next part is kind of sacrilegious, so if you're a purist skip this, go on... I'll wait. For the rest of you, use a turkey bag, yes really! It makes a really moist turkey, with brown crispy skin and it cuts your cooking time way down. 3 hours for a 20 pound bird? Sign me up!
OK Purists, you can come back now :) Now put your turkey in the oven, mine is in there right now so no pictures yet.
I made my husband peel potatoes, if the kids are around they get the job too. Why? Because I hate it. Its the worst job in the kitchen as far as I'm concerned, I dont know why it just is. He wouldnt let me take pictures of him though. Take my word for it he looked adorable... oh and the potatoes are great too. I like to soak the potatoes for a couple of hours in salted water before boiling them. I dont have any really sound reason for this but its how my mum did it, so that's what I do. I will turn the heat on an hour or so before the turkey is ready to come out and then mash them with canned milk and butter.
Dessert is cooking too, how many ovens do I have? Just one. I am making baked apples with a crumble top in the crock pot. They smell heavenly. I used a basic crumble recipe, I call it the 1/2 cup recipe. 1/2 cup of butter, 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 1/2 cup of old fashioned oats and a 1/2 cup of flour. I throw in some pumpkin pie spice too because I love it. Mix with a pastry cutter, or if youre like me and have no idea where yours is, use a couple of forks, or your hands... I had some left over so I threw some frozen blueberries in a small oven safe dish and put the rest of the crumble on top of it and threw it on the oven while it was preheating. YUM!
I cored the apples without cutting off the bottoms then cut out a bit more space then stuffed the crumb topping in. Cook on low for 4 hours.
Rolls are a basic roll recipe that I make in bulk and freeze. It also doubles as a pizza dough recipe so its great to keep on hand, just let it thaw on the counter and then shape into rolls and bake. Stuffing and corn will follow.
So that is a little look at what our "remember to be Thankful, Thanksgiving" will be tonight. We all have so much to be thankful for, sometimes we forget that when we are so focused on what we want rather than what we have. Time to remedy that. What are you thankful for?
I just dont think it should end there though, you know? We have been going through a lot lately and I just realized that we haven't really taken the time to be thankful for the good stuff in our lives. There is SO much good stuff, we are truly blessed beyond words. So, in addition to the two I will already be doing this year, today is sort of a "remember to the Thankful, Thanksgiving". And what better way than to go all out with a turkey dinner?
Here is a little look at what Thanksgiving day looks like in our house.
Turkey of course... stuffed with apples, onions, and bacon. Yes Bacon. This is a tip I learned from my mother in law. Instead of putting butter on your turkey, use bacon grease, it tastes SO much better! So here what goes in the turkey
I didn't have any fresh onions and really didn't have the energy to go to the store so dried onion to the rescue. I could be all crunchy and tell you I dried the onions from own garden but for $3. at Costco, why bother? A little trick to stuffing your turkey, put it in a large bowl and then just slide everything in. I don't know why no one ever told me that, its the easiest way to do it. Rub the bacon grease over the outside and whatever spices you want. I dont really add any more salt because the bacon takes care of that. This next part is kind of sacrilegious, so if you're a purist skip this, go on... I'll wait. For the rest of you, use a turkey bag, yes really! It makes a really moist turkey, with brown crispy skin and it cuts your cooking time way down. 3 hours for a 20 pound bird? Sign me up!
OK Purists, you can come back now :) Now put your turkey in the oven, mine is in there right now so no pictures yet.
I made my husband peel potatoes, if the kids are around they get the job too. Why? Because I hate it. Its the worst job in the kitchen as far as I'm concerned, I dont know why it just is. He wouldnt let me take pictures of him though. Take my word for it he looked adorable... oh and the potatoes are great too. I like to soak the potatoes for a couple of hours in salted water before boiling them. I dont have any really sound reason for this but its how my mum did it, so that's what I do. I will turn the heat on an hour or so before the turkey is ready to come out and then mash them with canned milk and butter.
Dessert is cooking too, how many ovens do I have? Just one. I am making baked apples with a crumble top in the crock pot. They smell heavenly. I used a basic crumble recipe, I call it the 1/2 cup recipe. 1/2 cup of butter, 1/2 cup of brown sugar, 1/2 cup of old fashioned oats and a 1/2 cup of flour. I throw in some pumpkin pie spice too because I love it. Mix with a pastry cutter, or if youre like me and have no idea where yours is, use a couple of forks, or your hands... I had some left over so I threw some frozen blueberries in a small oven safe dish and put the rest of the crumble on top of it and threw it on the oven while it was preheating. YUM!
I cored the apples without cutting off the bottoms then cut out a bit more space then stuffed the crumb topping in. Cook on low for 4 hours.
Rolls are a basic roll recipe that I make in bulk and freeze. It also doubles as a pizza dough recipe so its great to keep on hand, just let it thaw on the counter and then shape into rolls and bake. Stuffing and corn will follow.
So that is a little look at what our "remember to be Thankful, Thanksgiving" will be tonight. We all have so much to be thankful for, sometimes we forget that when we are so focused on what we want rather than what we have. Time to remedy that. What are you thankful for?
Saturday, September 1, 2012
What a difference a day makes
As those of us with chronic illnesses will attest to, a day (or a night) can make all the difference in the world in how we feel. We can be absolutely fine in the evening and awake the next morning barely able to move. The opposite can also be true, we can be miserable one day and the next have seemingly all the energy in the world. It can be utterly frustrating and depressing when you have to cancel on something you were really looking forward to or it can be a wonderful gift to feel like you can get something done that you didn't expect!
I had a high energy day last week and I did a lot of baking and cooking. I try to do this when I'm having a good day so when I don't feel well my family still eats well. It eases my guilt a little and we all know there are plenty of guilty feelings to go around anyway. A friend made a comment about how I am always so ambitious and it made me smile. I really do appreciate the compliments like that because there are so many days when I feel like I don't get anything done or that I don't "carry my own weight" around here. I hoard those compliments in my heart, they make me remember that even through the bad days, tomorrow may just be the best day! This is what I do on my good days, I cook... a lot. I make a lot of meals ahead of time so my family can just take them out of the freezer and I know they're eating something decent.
A friend of mine is an amazing author. Her name is Kathi Lipp , she has written a lot of great books "The Marriage Project" The Me Project" "The get yourself Organized Project" all of them are wonderful but she is also one of my favourite resources for freezer cooking! This woman is a master (Mistress??) at freezer cooking! The "Whats for dinner Solution" book will change your life, especially if you are like me and need to do a lot of cooking at one time. Its so nice to know that I don't have to be in the kitchen all day every day and that, on those days when I just *cant* do it, at least I know I have done something for my family and that is one less burden to carry. I cant thank Kathi enough for the gift of her writing, it has been such a blessing to me and so many others.
This week hasn't been bad, its been a little emotional, ok a lot emotional. We are still waiting to hear about a possible job promotion for my husband (prayers please if you're so inclined!) which would bring about major life changes for us but good ones I think. The kids are all settling back into school, though I have no idea how I all of a sudden have a Senior in High School! I think I may be in denial about that still. I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately, which doesnt help the flare ups but overall they have been in check.
I am so grateful for the good days. I'm even grateful for the bad ones, because lets face it, being here is a gift. "Growing older is a gift, a privilege denied to many". So as Gaelic Storm puts it, "Here's to one more day above the roses"!
I had a high energy day last week and I did a lot of baking and cooking. I try to do this when I'm having a good day so when I don't feel well my family still eats well. It eases my guilt a little and we all know there are plenty of guilty feelings to go around anyway. A friend made a comment about how I am always so ambitious and it made me smile. I really do appreciate the compliments like that because there are so many days when I feel like I don't get anything done or that I don't "carry my own weight" around here. I hoard those compliments in my heart, they make me remember that even through the bad days, tomorrow may just be the best day! This is what I do on my good days, I cook... a lot. I make a lot of meals ahead of time so my family can just take them out of the freezer and I know they're eating something decent.
A friend of mine is an amazing author. Her name is Kathi Lipp , she has written a lot of great books "The Marriage Project" The Me Project" "The get yourself Organized Project" all of them are wonderful but she is also one of my favourite resources for freezer cooking! This woman is a master (Mistress??) at freezer cooking! The "Whats for dinner Solution" book will change your life, especially if you are like me and need to do a lot of cooking at one time. Its so nice to know that I don't have to be in the kitchen all day every day and that, on those days when I just *cant* do it, at least I know I have done something for my family and that is one less burden to carry. I cant thank Kathi enough for the gift of her writing, it has been such a blessing to me and so many others.
This week hasn't been bad, its been a little emotional, ok a lot emotional. We are still waiting to hear about a possible job promotion for my husband (prayers please if you're so inclined!) which would bring about major life changes for us but good ones I think. The kids are all settling back into school, though I have no idea how I all of a sudden have a Senior in High School! I think I may be in denial about that still. I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately, which doesnt help the flare ups but overall they have been in check.
I am so grateful for the good days. I'm even grateful for the bad ones, because lets face it, being here is a gift. "Growing older is a gift, a privilege denied to many". So as Gaelic Storm puts it, "Here's to one more day above the roses"!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Its a big day in our house!
I've talked about our daughter Karissa before. She is a special needs child with no solid diagnosis. I wanted to tell you a little more about her before I tell you about her accomplishment today. (You can also look back on this page to the "Special Needs parent" post from a few months ago)
Karissa is our 3rd child and is 11 months younger than her sister. Needless to say she was a surprise but of the very best kind! They weren't able to tell us at the ultrasound if we were having a boy or a girl and for some reason I really needed to know. I had this dream a few nights later of a little blonde haired, hazel eyed girl running through a field of daisies. She was beautiful and had the brightest smile. She stopped right in front of me and said "Hi mommy, I'm a girl and my name is Karissa Rose but you'll call me Rissa Roo." I woke up with a start and shook my husband who mumbled something along the lines of "that's nice dear" and went back to sleep. I was through sleeping at that point so I got up and looked it up in the baby name book. I have no idea where the name came from, it wasn't on our list at all but that is what I found: Karissa (Carissa) means "Beloved, Grace" Remember that for the end of this story....
Today Karissa started the "Lose the Training Wheels" camp. Its a week long camp to help kids with disabilities to learn to ride a bike. Most people take riding a bike for granted, its just part of growing up, right? Well many special needs kids lack the coordination and motor skills to pedal and steer at the same time or simply cant manage to balance on a bike.
That may not matter to a lot of people but to these kids it could mean the world! Its a huge self confidence boost to get to be "normal" for awhile. I've often watched Karissa stare at much younger kids blazing down the streets on their bikes and I know she is wondering why she cant do that. Its conquering a fear that has been around for a very long time and as we all know, that alone makes you feel great! For many kids they may never be able to drive so riding a bike could be the only way to get back and forth to work. It could mean the difference between living independently and needing to have assistance. Its great exercise and while the obesity rate for peer kids is high it is much higher for special needs kids. On top of all of that its FUN! Its also something we can do as a family.
We went into the meeting last night nervous, excited and anxious all at once. This program has an 80% success rate. Meaning 80% of the kids leave this program after a week able to ride independently! Wow. That alone is staggering. I will admit to having my doubts. Karissa was nervous to say the least but they dont hesitate. They introduce themselves and get the kids on a bike in just a few moments. They are specialty bikes with rollers as a back wheel that get progressively more tapered as the rider advances. Karissa was stressed at first but by the end of the first session she relaxed and had a huge smile on her face! She could do it!!!
This is the child we were told might never walk or talk and she would certainly never be "normal" We were even told we might want to look into assisted living. This is also the same child who made honour roll this year!
I asked you to remember what the name Karissa means. A few months ago 3 separate, non connected friends mentioned a singer named Tyrone Wells so I was curious. I looked him up and fell in love with his music. If you haven't heard of him please go take a listen. I promise it will be worth your time! I slowly made it through most of his songs and stopped in my tracks when I found this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVxtAy2M9Lg "Grace is Dancing" So today, there is dancing in my house. Rejoicing in the Beloved gift of Grace that we have been given and celebrating the fact that fears can be overcome and "nothing is impossible if you will just believe" Thanks for that, Tyrone. Keep dancing friends.
Karissa is our 3rd child and is 11 months younger than her sister. Needless to say she was a surprise but of the very best kind! They weren't able to tell us at the ultrasound if we were having a boy or a girl and for some reason I really needed to know. I had this dream a few nights later of a little blonde haired, hazel eyed girl running through a field of daisies. She was beautiful and had the brightest smile. She stopped right in front of me and said "Hi mommy, I'm a girl and my name is Karissa Rose but you'll call me Rissa Roo." I woke up with a start and shook my husband who mumbled something along the lines of "that's nice dear" and went back to sleep. I was through sleeping at that point so I got up and looked it up in the baby name book. I have no idea where the name came from, it wasn't on our list at all but that is what I found: Karissa (Carissa) means "Beloved, Grace" Remember that for the end of this story....
Today Karissa started the "Lose the Training Wheels" camp. Its a week long camp to help kids with disabilities to learn to ride a bike. Most people take riding a bike for granted, its just part of growing up, right? Well many special needs kids lack the coordination and motor skills to pedal and steer at the same time or simply cant manage to balance on a bike.
That may not matter to a lot of people but to these kids it could mean the world! Its a huge self confidence boost to get to be "normal" for awhile. I've often watched Karissa stare at much younger kids blazing down the streets on their bikes and I know she is wondering why she cant do that. Its conquering a fear that has been around for a very long time and as we all know, that alone makes you feel great! For many kids they may never be able to drive so riding a bike could be the only way to get back and forth to work. It could mean the difference between living independently and needing to have assistance. Its great exercise and while the obesity rate for peer kids is high it is much higher for special needs kids. On top of all of that its FUN! Its also something we can do as a family.
We went into the meeting last night nervous, excited and anxious all at once. This program has an 80% success rate. Meaning 80% of the kids leave this program after a week able to ride independently! Wow. That alone is staggering. I will admit to having my doubts. Karissa was nervous to say the least but they dont hesitate. They introduce themselves and get the kids on a bike in just a few moments. They are specialty bikes with rollers as a back wheel that get progressively more tapered as the rider advances. Karissa was stressed at first but by the end of the first session she relaxed and had a huge smile on her face! She could do it!!!
This is the child we were told might never walk or talk and she would certainly never be "normal" We were even told we might want to look into assisted living. This is also the same child who made honour roll this year!
I asked you to remember what the name Karissa means. A few months ago 3 separate, non connected friends mentioned a singer named Tyrone Wells so I was curious. I looked him up and fell in love with his music. If you haven't heard of him please go take a listen. I promise it will be worth your time! I slowly made it through most of his songs and stopped in my tracks when I found this one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVxtAy2M9Lg "Grace is Dancing" So today, there is dancing in my house. Rejoicing in the Beloved gift of Grace that we have been given and celebrating the fact that fears can be overcome and "nothing is impossible if you will just believe" Thanks for that, Tyrone. Keep dancing friends.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Far? Far from where?
Do you remember watching Fiddler on the Roof when you were little? We used to watch it every year when it came on, my parents loved that show. One line in particular has stuck with me all these years. It was when 2 families met in the road and one asked "Where will go?" and the other said "America" the first man said "But that's so FAR!" and the second man shrugged and shook his head and said "Far? Far from where?" I have often felt that way in my life. As a child we moved around a lot. I attended 10 different elementary schools in 2 countries, that was my normal. No, we weren't military (because that's what everyone asks) and while my dad served in both the American and Canadian armed forces that wasn't why moved. My dad was a pastor, who happened to be really good at building churches, a skill not every pastor has, so the church needed us to move on a pretty regular basis.
I am actually one of those rare people who enjoyed moving around, much more than my brothers did. We have seen so many things and been so many places and met so many wonderful people that I honestly felt blessed to get to live that life. I often joke that I am part Gypsy anyway and I feel restless if I've been in one place too long. I have never really felt like I had a "home" though. My friends are all "from" somewhere, but not me, we moved out of the country before my second birthday and continued that pattern my whole life. Through the years I have felt connections to places but when people ask me where home is I really don't have an answer. Depending on my mood or how much I feel like revealing I might say Spokane, because that's where I went to High School and that is where my moms side of the family is from but I don't know that I would ever move back. I might say Seattle because I really enjoyed living there when I was younger. I might also say Calgary because that is where my husband is from and was home for us for awhile. I might say Boise because of all the places I have lived, I lived there the longest and some of my dearest friends on earth live there but none of those places feel like I imagine home should feel. I'm not really "from" any of those places anyway, they were all just stops along the way.
I remember telling my parents after we left Seattle when I was 10 that I felt the only home I ever had was the road. They were really angry about that but I didn't mean in it a bad way. I had everything I needed and it didn't matter to me where we were at the time. We were together and the road was a fine place to be. I had my brothers and my parents and we were safe. To me, that was all that mattered. I learned how to make friends quickly and I am blessed to have friends all over the world now that I keep in touch with.
Now we are in flux again, in my husbands line of work they can send us anywhere and probably will. I learned a long time ago to never say "I will never live there" Because that is kind of like daring God to send you somewhere and He will take you up on it! There are places I would prefer not to live but I am pretty open. When we moved here I thought it would be easy to see my family, just a 2 days drive, but honestly it doesn't happen often. So, while I would love to see them more often, another days drive or a couple more hours on a flight is probably not going to matter much either way. We have made up for it with phone calls and FaceTime and emails, all of which make being apart a little easier. Besides, none of them really want to come here anyway.
Which brings me back to the Fiddler... "Far? Far from where?" I don't know what tomorrow will bring or where it will take us, the great thing is, I don't have to have those answers. I know God has them and that His plan is bigger and better than any plan I have so I put my trust in Him, to take us where He wants us to go. Because home doesn't have to be a place, for me home is wherever I am with those that I love and thankfully, that can be anywhere.
ps: God, I really do miss living near the Ocean though so if that's in Your plan that would be awesome! K thanks bye.
I am actually one of those rare people who enjoyed moving around, much more than my brothers did. We have seen so many things and been so many places and met so many wonderful people that I honestly felt blessed to get to live that life. I often joke that I am part Gypsy anyway and I feel restless if I've been in one place too long. I have never really felt like I had a "home" though. My friends are all "from" somewhere, but not me, we moved out of the country before my second birthday and continued that pattern my whole life. Through the years I have felt connections to places but when people ask me where home is I really don't have an answer. Depending on my mood or how much I feel like revealing I might say Spokane, because that's where I went to High School and that is where my moms side of the family is from but I don't know that I would ever move back. I might say Seattle because I really enjoyed living there when I was younger. I might also say Calgary because that is where my husband is from and was home for us for awhile. I might say Boise because of all the places I have lived, I lived there the longest and some of my dearest friends on earth live there but none of those places feel like I imagine home should feel. I'm not really "from" any of those places anyway, they were all just stops along the way.
I remember telling my parents after we left Seattle when I was 10 that I felt the only home I ever had was the road. They were really angry about that but I didn't mean in it a bad way. I had everything I needed and it didn't matter to me where we were at the time. We were together and the road was a fine place to be. I had my brothers and my parents and we were safe. To me, that was all that mattered. I learned how to make friends quickly and I am blessed to have friends all over the world now that I keep in touch with.
Now we are in flux again, in my husbands line of work they can send us anywhere and probably will. I learned a long time ago to never say "I will never live there" Because that is kind of like daring God to send you somewhere and He will take you up on it! There are places I would prefer not to live but I am pretty open. When we moved here I thought it would be easy to see my family, just a 2 days drive, but honestly it doesn't happen often. So, while I would love to see them more often, another days drive or a couple more hours on a flight is probably not going to matter much either way. We have made up for it with phone calls and FaceTime and emails, all of which make being apart a little easier. Besides, none of them really want to come here anyway.
Which brings me back to the Fiddler... "Far? Far from where?" I don't know what tomorrow will bring or where it will take us, the great thing is, I don't have to have those answers. I know God has them and that His plan is bigger and better than any plan I have so I put my trust in Him, to take us where He wants us to go. Because home doesn't have to be a place, for me home is wherever I am with those that I love and thankfully, that can be anywhere.
ps: God, I really do miss living near the Ocean though so if that's in Your plan that would be awesome! K thanks bye.
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